i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
