I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
