So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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