Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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