I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
