Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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