You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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