dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
