Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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