he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
