Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
