# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
