How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
