I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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