just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
