i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
