The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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