well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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