you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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