hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
