Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
