If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
