So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
