Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
