I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
