got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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