you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
