I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
