Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
