The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
