Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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