So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
