Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
