I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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