God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
