I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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