Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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