Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
