I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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