so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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