I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
