We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
