my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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