i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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