oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
