I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
