I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
