Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
