broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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