paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
