well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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