He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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