i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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