So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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