it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
