my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
