You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
