i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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