my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
