"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
