I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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