Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
