Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
