it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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