I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
