I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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