My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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