Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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