he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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