he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
