just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
