smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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