if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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