Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
